confession

well, its pretty obvious that keeping this thing up to date during the summer is just something thats about impossible for me to do. its not like i have nothing to say (a dose of double negativity), its just that when i'm not at school i just don't have the inspiration i need to plunk away at the keys and make my stories interesting enough to capture the attention of you all...whoever you are.

well, i've been confronted many times about this fault i have. its like a heroic flaw (not that i'm a heroine by any means); my achilles heel, if you will. i don't know. see, things just don't come out right in the summer months. back to my flaw (i know how much everyone loves magnifying faults, so lets pick apart mine. i guess you can call this some kind of confession). its not like its something i haven't been aware of. heck, i've been aware of it ever since i got into high school. its the thing that drives me crazy about myself. it keeps me from being truthful; being a good friend; letting relationships grow; feeling confident; expressing myself...i could go on. and its all because i have this social condition of being "non-confrontational".

okay, so what, you say. most people have problems at times saying whats on their mind. if you're thinking something along those lines, you don't quite understand. this habit of being non-confrontational doesn't allow me to open up and talk to anyone about whats going on. as some would say, i'm a closed book. over the years i've rationalized it out and made it seem reasonable because who really wants to hear all my problems anyway? someone has to really pry at whats wrong...and then i'll answer with something thats hardly addressing the question. and if someone has done something to me, approaching them about it would just make things awkward and then i don't want them feeling bad that they hurt my feelings. thats the way i've justified it. this pretty much results in being a human rug, if you know what i mean. its a vicious way of life.

so the reason i'm bringing this up is because something needs to be done about it. i really don't want to have this fear of confronting someone...or sharing my feelings. in my pathetic state i've had feeble attempts to surface my hidden thoughts. little comments hidden behind a sarcastic tone...hoping that someone is paying enough attention to interpret it correctly. i've even tried to express my mood a little more. but obviously, that doesn't work (i guess i'm a girl...i'm complicated). becca got so mad at me because i didn't tell her about a certain something that shes has vowed to make me open up. i guess you could call me a work in progress. over the next semester i will try to overcome my fear of confrontation. it will be rough, but hopefully it will work out for the best.

so, not that exciting, but something thats been on my mind. a small step towards becoming a woman with a little more dignity.

firery sunset

i've been on a plane so many times...there is no way for me to give a reasonable estimate. hopping on a plane to get somewhere is almost as common as a car ride...and i've realized over the years how blessed i am to have travelled to so many different places before i even hit my 20's.

however, no matter how many take off and landings i've done, theres no doubt i'm going to put up a fuss when becca steals my seat by the window. it just hasn't grown old. for some reason, i love to watch as everything speeds by and we lift off...then everything gets smaller and smaller as the cars turn into micro machines on the highways and disappear behind a veil of white clouds as we climb higher. my 23rd birthday is going to be one of the saddest birthdays ever (i lose my flying priveledges).

this was the typical take off we had last sunday evening while my family was on its way to visit g-pops. after the excitement of take off, i usually just doze or flip through the sky mall magazine (becca and i can usually find some picture to laugh uncontrollably over). this time, i was reading a book (amazing for me...i know) when the sky suddenly caught the corner of my eye. it was incredible. the sun was setting as we were moving further and further from the clouds of hurricane dennis (which had been pouring rain on us) and the sky was a firey red. i was so excited about it that i woke becca up from her nap and made her look at it as i whipped out my camera. just as i pulled out the camera, the plane turned and the stupid wing got in the way.

so thats pretty much as good as it gets. for some reason i just couldn't resist snapping pictures...the sky seemed to change every minute or so.

birds eye view of washington dc

wish that wing wasn't there

lunar sunset

camp balcones springs summary

i'm back! for those of you who don't know, i was in texas for the past seven weeks working at a christian summer camp right outside of austin. i've been back from texas for a week now and finally found enough time to sit down and write a post. i honestly don't even know where to begin. but i guess the beginning is a good place.

becca and i arrived in austin having no idea where we were supposed to be. we found some lunch before we headed down to baggage claim. there was a group of young adults gathering a ways from where we distantly nibbled on our lunch and we were trying to decide whether or not that was our camp group. after awhile, we got up enough courage to ask if they were with cbs...which, of course, they were. we met lots of people, including amy, who becca and i became good friends with right away.



arriving at camp felt a little awkward...people were running around in spiderman and superman outfits and shooting off water guns...i honestly had no idea what was going on. this is me having no idea what is going on:

while they were pulling everyone out of their cars and snapping these shots, the greeters (people in the first pic) stole random things out of the cars to return later as the leadership and full time staff was introduced. to be honest, everyone's enthusiasm was a bit intimidating...but i got over that pretty quick.

anyway, that kicked off work week. for most people, that meant doing little projects around camp to get it ready for the kids to come. for me and other people who were aspiring to be working on the waterfront, that meant lifeguard training! it was a lot of work...and pretty intense, but we got to know our fellow trainees really well and a lot of inside jokes out of it. after days of watching cheesey videos, treading water, tweeting imaginary whistles, perfecting our stride jumps, rescuing active victims and submurged victims, performing spinal rescues and being trained in first aid and cpr, we finally became "professional lifeguards". thats right...i'm a lifeguard; i can help.

with that, work week ended and a whole new experience began...orientation. it was basically a week of camp with a bunch of college students...which is awesome. aside from the endless meetings and talks about how you can and can't interact with children to avoid law suits (which pretty much made you convinced you would be thrown in jail by the end of first term), we did everything the campers got to do. we went retro bowling, had two dances, played tons of games, and participated in team competition. there are four teams at camp: the texas rangers and lonestars (brother and sister teams) and the rough riders and silver spurs. we all had to be initiated and all that jazz...but its supposed to be secret...so yea. anyway, the last day of team competition i hyperextended my knee. in other words, it hurt really really bad (and still does really). that was the day of the big ultimate frisbee game against camp champions down the road. needless to say, i was disappointed that i couldn't get in the most intense game of my life (if you read my blog, you know how much i love ultimate).

after orientation week, it was finally time to get our cabin assignments, co-counselors, and camper names! i became co's with an awesome girl from south carolina named laura. God couldn't have placed a better person in my life to work with over the next 5 weeks. to my surprise, we were going to be with the senior campers (the oldest campers at camp), who are 15, going into their sophomore year. we were in the cabin furthest from the front of camp....which meant a 10+ minute walk to every meal.

thats laura and me before a rodeo roundup dance. anyway, our first batch of girls had all been in the same cabin last year, so they were pretty close. it was a really hard term, but it taught me a lot and made me really rely on God. it would take to long to go into details on here...but if you feel like chatting, i'll tell you all about it. below is a pic of all my girls from first term except for one...and the one on the far left wasn't in my cabin.

it was weird trying to think of what it would be like to have a whole new cabin for three weeks! laura and i had no idea what to expect and went in planning to apply everything God had taught us from first term. the ironic thing is, the girls second term were completely different and we had to go about things in a totally different way. i got really close to all the girls...most of the senior campers actually. a whole extra week really allowed us to get to know the girls. we even got to take a charter bus to the beach for three days! that trip was really crucial in developing relationships as well.

above are my girls from second term. again, theres so much i could write about my experiences, but thats more for a conversation. i really felt like the Lord was using me to work in these girls lives and that somehow i've made an impact on them, which is so rewarding. i definitely would love to go back again next year. i've made so many good friends and miss them so much! i'll be back in august to visit all of my counselor buddies, which will be good. i've got tons more pictures to post...and hopefully people will send me some via e-mail so i can post those as well!

i-i-i want you to know, i need you

and i-i-i want you to know, its true

theres no no no no way i'd make it without you,

its so good to know -what?-

i've got a friend like you and you and you and you and you and you and you!

happy 4th!