how sweet tea imprisoned me

i love me some sweet tea. on a hot, sweltering evening in july, a good glass of syrupy tea drizzled over an ample amount of ice cubes is just the trick for cooling off. especially when the black asphalt beneath you seems to be radiating as much heat as the sun had earlier in the day.

last night, we were at an after party. kaitlin has been stamping and signing and what-have-you for the past two months for a lawyer who was running for a county office. naturally, she was invited and my family and i rode on her coattails to the post-election party last night where there were barbeque wings and glasses of sweet tea aplenty.

we were standing outside of the restaurant where the party was being held and even at 8 pm, it was still hot. i remedied my sweating with a nice glass of cold ice tea. but while the rest of my family was networking and conversing with old friends and new acquaintances, the most "networking" i got to do was through the bathroom door with a few waitresses with thick southern accents and a man with a drill who was cursing up a storm.

i regret drinking that whole glass of sweet tea.

it was just supposed to be a quick bathroom run. i usually don't inform people when i make a trip to the bathroom, but mom and becca asked, so i told them.

three minutes later, i was in my first attempt to open the bathroom door. i turned the lock the other way. no good. turned it back again. still no good. i pulled a little harder. nope. neither pushing or pulling, turning or jiggling, knocking or kicking brought me any closer to escaping from my 4 foot by 4 foot cage of linoleum, porcelain, and mirror.

i was kicking myself for leaving my cell phone in the car. i stood there for a minute shaking my head at myself. unbelievable, jeannine, that you can get yourself locked in a bathroom.

there was no other way to notify anyone that i was locked in the bathroom than to make a racket by jiggling the handle and pounding on the door. can you believe that for 15 minutes, it didn't seem odd to anyone that the bathroom door was almost coming off the hinges?? i heard shouts of celebration. i figured our candidate had pulled ahead in the race.

finally, i heard a faint, muffled voice through the bathroom door: "i think someone's stuck in the bathroom."

quite embarrassed at my situation, i meekly said, "yes! i can't get the door open."

they had me turn the lock back and forth and pull. then they tried to use a nail. then a card. then a screwdriver.

"well, we'll getcha out next week, honey," she joked. not really funny, but i politely laughed.

a few more voices joined in and began commenting on the situation.
"two little girls got locked in there monday and they were crying."
"oh yes, the poor things. no one even knows how long they were in there."
"i can't believe we haven't replaced this door yet."
"we might have to kick the door in."
"you can't break down the door!"
...and so on.

then i heard a man's voice. they told him about the situation and soon he was back with an electric drill, unscrewing the door handle. thank God for power tools.

"whats going on over here?"
"someone's stuck in the bathroom!"
"i was wondering why there was a man breaking into the woman's bathroom. theres quite a crowd outside this little door."

after about 20 minutes of being locked in the bathroom, the golden handle was off the door and in my hand. i had a peek to the outside world through a three inch wide hole. but i was still stuck.

the latch that keeps the door closed wasn't budging. he had to spend another 5 minutes prying that out. finally, the door swung open and i timidly stepped out of the bathroom, my head hanging from embarrassment, and i said a quick "thank-you-very-much" before i hurried away.

but all eyes in the bar were turned toward me. people kept stopping me to ask "are you okay, sweetheart?" as i weaved around barstools, tables, and chairs to find my family.

i turned the corner and there they were.

"where have you been?" they exclaimed.

through teary eyes and a few sniffles, i told them about my experience. with a mix of chuckles and awwws, they reassured me that they had been wondering where i was. too bad no one thought of checking the bathroom.

somehow, my tragic situation circulated the party and i had random crime investigators asking me if i was okay and telling me how funny it was.

yea. it was funny. really funny